“Oh yeah? Me and my friends have been too busy bathing off the southern coast of St. Barts with spider monkeys for the past two weeks.” – Hansel, Male Model of the Year
We’ve all heard it. Heck, we’ve all done it. And we all know immediately when it happens to us. Story-toppers are everywhere. They’re in your job, in your school, among your friends… maybe it’s even you! It’s irritating. Maybe it’s even more irritating when you realize sheepishly that you’ve done it to someone else. Sure, sometimes it’s unintentional, sometimes sly and subtle (the preferred female method), and sometimes it’s an outright competition (guys, you know who you are.) I guess we all want to be the cool kids; we all want to be the kids sitting in the back of the bus. And for some, this seems to necessitate story-topping.
But sometimes you overhear some story-topping that makes absolutely no sense. I had that experience while listening to a group of three high new age hippie tour guides topping their own stories on our 2 hour shuttle ride from Panajachel to Antigua Guatemala. They not only sounded like Hansel, they also looked a little like Hansel too. It was all SO GOOD I had to pop out my journal and start recording the conversation.
And here it is, transcribed for your reading pleasure and enjoyment. I swear that this is real. In honor of Zoolander I’ve named these characters Meekus, Rufus, and Brint.
Meekus: This is HUGE, conciousness-wise.
Rufus: I don’t know, I’d rather be studying with some of the shamans I know in Bolivia.
Brint: I friggin love you, Deck, Juicy Jude, and Dr. Gato. Let’s go create our own microcosm.
Rufus: You know, I was really feeling your energy the other day.
Brint: Yeah, the energy from the volcanoes here is super active. I mean, its like there are vortexes shooting everywhere!
Meekus: Yeahh… man.
Rufus: My dream is to start a school down in Santiago to teach young kids how to be kids again… I want to teach them all about what we’re doing, about what all these new agers are doing.
Meekus: I want all my little buddies in the sky to come down.
Brint: You know, I keep attracting new spiritual guides, like Dr. Gato. I mean, my problem is that I seem to attract too many spiritual guides – it can get kind of confusing.
Rufus: Dr. Gato is such an amazing spiritual guide – he doesn’t have time for the more ego based things.
Brint: Yeah, he’s like my friend who went to hang out with the Hopi.
Meekus: What I love about volcanoes is that they’re pyramids.
Brint: It’s amazing that that geometry comes up. It’s like a city in the clouds up there.
Meekus: I wish I had a set of wings. I really want to help mother earth.
Rufus: I had a friend who studied Holo dynamics… you know… Holographic Universe. He came up here once to check out the energy in this place.
Brint: You know, my friend who I said went to hang out with the Hopi told me that there’s someone in every tribe that is chosen to challenge the balance of power by taking crazy risks. One day when he was in Israel he went crazy and walked out in a war zone playing freedom tribe music. Can you imagine that?
Meekus: That kind of story really makes me want to take risks like that, man.